That Loving Feeling

My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 5 years. He was my handsome, but awkward, next door neighbor my first year of college. We didn't really talk to each other until a chance meeting a year later at a school event. We've been dating pretty much from that moment on.

We've lived together for almost three years now, and while we have our differences, I still say we make a pretty good pair. In lieu of flowers he sends me cute viral videos because he knows my weakness for all things cute (i.e. children, kittens, hedgehogs). He's really funny, smart and just about the most patient and sympathetic person I've ever met.

With all that said, sometimes I wish I could go back to when we were first getting to know each other. When every discovery about him seemed new, exciting and proof positive that we were in fact made for each other ("Wait, you like Ren & Stimpy? I like Ren & Stimpy!"). When you're in the throes of your first relationship, it's easy to make wide sweeping, Sweet Valley High-backed comments like that.

This song by Lykke Li transports me to that time when we weren't living together, when seeing each other involved planning and walking to and from dorms, and, more specifically, my not wanting to say "I love you" first.

Now the excitement is in the comfort I feel in still knowing those facts I learned while eating Harold's Chicken on his twin-XL bed in Pierce and watching DVDs. But oh, those first weeks before we became the Ottitundes.

Editor's Note: The video is kinda odd, but the song itself is sweet. If the gyrating of Swedes is too much for you, you can scroll down and follow the lyrics or read other entries :)

Lykke Li - "Little bit"
by tkf

hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you i'm thinking of
but how we move from A to B?
it can't be up to me
'cause you don't know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
i let go

i think i'm..

a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, a little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me
oh

ooo-ooo...

and for you i keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and i will never ever be the first
to say it
but still I,
yes you know I..I..I..
i would do it,
push a button
pull a trigger,
climb a mountain
jump off a cliff,
'cause you know baby
i love you love you a little bit
i would do it, i would say it
i would mean it, we could do it
it was you and i and if only i..

i think i'm
a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me

come here, stay with me
stroke me by the hair
'cause i would give anything, anything
to have you as my man (2X)

a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me

M.I.A.

I have been so swamped with life, school, and learning time management (which has never been my strong suit) that I've fallen behind on updating my blog. What can I say about journalism school, now that I've been at it for five weeks? It's been equal parts exciting and disappointing, for reasons I'll explain on a one--one, not over the internet where teachers/fellow students can read, basis. But here's a quick run down of what I've been up to:

• I've been assigned the education beat in my newswriting class turned newsroom. Right now I feel like I have to do so much research to even begin to understand the beast that is Chicago Public Schools and their programs, but I have a couple of stories lined up already and I think I'll learn a lot during the next five weeks. After they've run on our interschool website (and if I pitch them to a newspaper/magazine), I'll post them on my blog.
• I've changed direction. Going into the program I was positive I wanted to get on the magazine journalism track, create a magazine prototype (the main reason I loved Medill's program), and take the optional fifth quarter to study abroad either in Paris or Lagos, Nigeria. Now I'm 90% sure I'm going to switch my major to Interactive Storytelling, which would focus on using text and multimedia to tell stories, skills I think will be invaluable no matter which direction journalism heads. I would still take a class in long-form narrative writing and non-fiction to get a solid foundation in writing, but my interests are definitely taking me toward multimedia. Also, since the optional 5th quarter has a mandatory extra tuition payment, I'll graduate in four quarters. Still deciding what my last project will be: DC, magazine prototype, or Interactive Innovation.
  
• I'm a writer for Honey Magazine online! I have a blog on the website that once I get my act together will feature profiles, events, and issues targeted at a multicultural, mostly African American female audience. I'll post a link on here when I put something up.

Playing Journalist

When I was in the 6th grade, we had week of costumed dressing called "Spirit Week." There was twin day (you and a friend had to dress identically), pajama day, and school colors day. The day I was most excited for was Career Day. You see, I always knew I wanted to be a writer and while others were dressed as lawyers in three-piece suits, I came to Lincoln College Preparatory Academy dressed in jeans, a yellow t-shirt and carrying my V-Tech Kids Laptop.

When people asked me what I was supposed to be, I tapped the computer and said, "I'm a journalist." Without the laptop the entire costume was rendered everyday wear.

Flash forward 13 years and I'm still wearing jeans and carrying around my laptop in the hopes of becoming a journalist. But now that I've been out in the field, I think I need another prop to make this iteration of journalist work.

Kimchi Blue Briefcase Bag, $68 at Urban Outfitters.

It is so hard to stay organized when you're doing interviews on the street. Nothing turns people off more than anxious fumbling in too deep pockets and apologies for said anxious fumbling.

I picture myself reaching into this bag to whip out my voice recorder to ask people questions about health policy or gang activity in their neighborhoods; the fact that it can be worn messenger bag style is appealing as well - no straps sliding down my shoulders as I try to write in my note pad.

If you have to dress for the job you want, then this bag would definitely be the finishing touch on my journalist costume.

New Year's Resolutions

After waking up mid-afternoon from a long night of celebrating, I hopped on Facebook and wrote what I thought would be an all-encompassing resolution to start the New Year with:

I'm pretty proud of my rudimentary Paint skills, lol.

This prompted an emailed response from someone I hadn't heard from in awhile, questioning whether substantial change through "sheer will" was possible. She attached this article from the Times, which cites medical examples of people reverting back to bad habits (i.e. dieters regaining weight) and the opinion of a clinical psychologist named Marian Kramer Jacobs who thinks there are evolutionary reasons as to why change is hard to maintain:

“If one believes that human beings are social animals, our hierarchies within families, governments and businesses depend on people who know their roles and perform them dutifully. "We're hard-wired not to change quickly," Dr. Jacobs said. "Think of what chaos would ensue if you could snap your finger and change instantly tomorrow. You would be one person today, someone else tomorrow."

The article goes on to say the belief that change is impossible can seem unpatriotic given America's history of movements and revolutions, our love of rags-to-riches icons, and self-improvement stories, yet numbers show "that after six months, only about 45 percent of the subjects managed to stick to their pledges." It ends noting that resolutions centered on healthy self-acceptance is more realistic than wide-sweeping change.

This all got me thinking whether or not resolutions are a wholly American (or Western) concept. What a luxury it is to consider the evolutionary or psychological reasons why we make resolutions! In societies where the caste you are born into most likely will be the one you die in, is there an urge to make resolutions to better oneself with the coming new year? Or is making resolutions just part of being human, wanting to change for goodness' sake, for the approval of others, or to move up in more fluid social systems, to make something better of yourself? Is there something wrong with looking back on the year as it draws to a close and thinking about ways to improve yourself in the coming year? In evolutionary speak, maybe making resolutions and being part of the 45% who succeed effects genetic fitness and allows successful resolution keepers to send their "quit-smoking-do-pilates-be-kinder" genes into the next generation.

What do you think?

Beginning Half of How I Rang In the New Year

My camera experienced technical difficulties after the first party Derek and I attended (they're all worked out now, apparently slamming it against a hard surface is something recommended by camera professionals), but here's how the first half of my New Year's Eve looked:

Hot sake and sushi at Tokyo Marina (5058 N. Clark), an establishment that comes highly recommended. Good price and a lot of extras (tea, cucumber salad, and miso soup) for free.

Mood lighting at Laura (an old co-worker) and Shelby's apartment, our first stop of the evening before ringing in the new year with champagne cocktail of Cassis, champagne, and strawberries at Derek's cousin's loft.

Noisemakers are not fun to be attacked with, boyfriend of mine.

[Panic Attack] or My First Medill Post

I start journalism school next week as many of you who read this blog know. I've drained all meaning out of the word "excited" because, although I'm technically supposed to be some sort of wordsmith, I have a very hard time explaining how incredibly excited I am to take my life and passions to the next level. I felt like I was in suspended animation (another phrase I constantly repeated to anyone who asked) waiting for the day I left my job so I could start classes at Northwestern. Now that the day I've been so antsy about is mere days away, I am freaking the eff out.

My train of thought?

Oh-my-god-who-told-me-I-was-a-good-writer-why-would-they-lie-like-that-oh-my-god-I'm-going-to-be-in-debt-for-the-rest-of-my-natural-life-I'm-going-into-journalism-oh-my-god-there's-no-money-in-that-I-have-no-money-now-oh-my-god-everyone-but-me-seems-to-be-prepared-for-this-they've-already-bought-the-software-we-need-I-don't-have-any-money-for-any-of-that-I-barely-have-enough-left-in-my-savings-for-this-month's-rent-what-if-financial-aid-just-barely-covers-school-fees-and-I-have-to-take-out-another-loan-just-to-get-by-oh-my-god-I-think-I-forgot-how-to-write-what-if-I've-been-wrong-for-the-past 14-years-maybe-I'm-not-supposed-to-be-a-journalist-what-if-I-suck-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god [mental flatline]

So, the rest of this weekend will be devoted to me creating the kind of mental preparedness and physical comfort I need to even approach getting over this panic attack. Meaning, I'll be cleaning my apartment (because when I'm freaking the eff out, messes just make me feel more ill at ease), creating To-Do lists (because I love making lists and crossing things off said lists means I'm doing something right), planning and mapping my daily schedule so I won't feel completely lost when I'm on campus, and doing Lamaze-style breathing to keep myself afloat and from throwing myself into a full out fit.

So far I've gotten my class schedule...

2009 Winter Schedule Class Schedule JOUR 400-1-20 LEC (32661) WeThFr 9:00AM - 10:30AM Fisk Hall 311 JOUR 400-1-60 LAB (33945) Tu 6:00PM - 9:00PM Fisk Hall 306 WeThFr 10:30AM - 5:00PM Fisk Hall 306 JOUR 400-2-22 LEC (32666) Tu 1:00PM - 4:00PM Fisk Hall 308 JOUR 400-3-20 LEC (32631) Mo 9:00AM - 12:00PM Fisk Hall 311 JOUR 401-0-20 LEC (32668) Mo 1:00PM - 4:00PM Fisk Hall 311

Oh-my-god-they-weren't-kidding-this-IS-like-journalism-boot-camp-oh-my-god-am-I-ever-going-to-see-my-boyfriend-and-friends-again?

...I've applied for Medill Business Cards, called my parents about Immunization records, and uploaded a bio and picture for Medill Winter 2009 MSJ's Face Book called "Who's Who"...

During her undergraduate years at the University of Chicago, Anthonia discovered her love for journalism as a writer for the Chicago Weekly. Soon after becoming the Weekly's managing editor her third year, Anthonia helped transform the paper from unfocused student life articles to an arts and entertainment publication focusing on the often overlooked South Side of Chicago. After interning for the Urban Flavor and UR Chicago (and currently freelancing for Venus Zine and Honey Mag online), Anthonia hopes to explore other mediums and topics outside of lifestyle and entertainment reporting.

Oh-my-god-I-look-hideous-the-picture-is-too-dark-everyone-else-looks-better-oh-my-god-I-went-over-the-word-limit-my-bio-is-longer-than-everyone's-oh-my-god-I-look-like-I-think-my-experience-is-better-than-theirs-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahem. I really hope this hyperventilating voice inside my head won't be following me around for the next year.

See What Develops

I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays! My boyfriend and I returned to a very wet and warm Chicago late last night after spending a few days with his family in Absolute Delight, a cabin in Maryland. I always love spending time with Derek's family and enjoy sharing in their love of storytelling and tradition.

Now that we're back in our apartment, we've settled into our routines: me sprawled out on the sofa, checking out my favorite blogs and sites; Derek at our desk, turning around every so often to update me about something ridiculous (i.e. a website where you can download free B movies like "JC," a tale of teenaged Jesus Christ reincarnate who rebels against his extreme Southern Baptist father and leads an LSD fueled pilgrimage out west); NPR streaming from his laptop. I've jumped from one emotional extreme to the next these past two weeks, so it's nice to have things moving at a familiar and happy medium.

Speaking of familiar and happy mediums, Polaroids are making a comeback despite the company's decision to discontinue the technology beloved by model casters, party photographers, and hipsters alike. A program called Poladroid takes JPEG images from online or from your digital camera and creates the iconic high contrast images surrounded by a white box. PC users can now download the program, and below you'll find some of my pictures from the past two weeks.

Lights on the Plaza in Kansas City, MO.

Little brothers, Ladi (19) and Tunde (13).

Stockings! (I forgot to bring one for myself so Derek and I made do with a pair of my thick winter stockings.)

Derek learning how to knit.

Cousin Tim with the cutest puppy ever, Nora. I want a puppy.

Squeal! Little Gracie snuggling on the floor with the puppy.

Procrastination before my Vacation

I'm going back home to Kansas City today from December 14 - 23. I haven't been home in awhile, so I'm pretty excited to see my parents, younger brothers, and my two good friends (along with the satellite friends from high school who are fun to catch up with). This weekend has been amazing: my boyfriend walked in his graduation ceremony and we celebrated the momentous occasion with great food, laughs, toasts, tears, and drinks. I'll put pictures of that up on a later date; I really should start packing.


I <3 Dresses from katie sokoler on Vimeo.

(This random video sums up my feelings about dresses. I wish I had that many...)

Good Morning

My boyfriend is graduating from the University of Chicago tomorrow afternoon. I'm beyond proud of him, considering the extreme circumstances he had to overcome to reach this day. What once seemed distant and unattainable is well within his grasp and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the happiest significant other at Rockefeller Chapel tomorrow.

Congraduations Derek from Me and Kanye West:



(Pst: I'll make sure you get there on time and that the Delorian will start)

It's A Good Thing I'm Going to Journalism School

See how you fare with the New York Times "After the Deadline" Quiz.

Post Secret

I've been thinking a lot about who I am, why I do the things I do, why I feel the way I feel and it left me in a pretty depressed mood. If I could have that operation done in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" I would and just start removing all the memories I have that I replay over and over and over again that put me in such a bad mood. Maybe its SAD (what an ironic acronym) now that the weather has turned wintery. I had all of this in mind when I stumbled upon Post Secret. Most of you may already know about this, but Post Secret is a website where people mail in postcards they've altered to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets.

Fair warning: while some of them can be extremely life-affirming, there are others that are just super depressing and makes you think about how much pain people inflict on themselves and others. Here are a few that especially spoke to me today...


This one made me think of my boyfriend, and how he continues to love me despite my best efforts to push him away.


This one made me think of my best friend Cassie, and a story she used to tell us about how she put earthworms in her pockets during recess when she was a kid. She still has the sweetest heart and I love her so much for it.


It must be great to have such an unshakable faith in a higher being... it must make life at least somewhat easier.


I'm sure plenty of people (myself included) do this...

Now I'm off to get diner food with my boyfriend and watch a movie I hope will lift me out of this funk I'm in.

Lazy Sunday Love

Completely self-indulgent post but I live for moments like this.

I am lounging on my sofa as late afternoon sunlight streams through my apartment windows. I'm reading my favorite blogs, the New York Times, and drinking tea in my bright orange caftan I had made in Nigeria from some cloth my Aunt gave me as a gift. My boyfriend is at our desk listening to jazz and geeking out and I just got off the phone with my best friend who I love like a sister who makes me laugh like no other.


I am having a quiet, "God, it feels good to be alive" moment.

My Morning in a Picture

Then why do I always end up having teary goodbyes at O'Hare?

My Day in Pictures

Answer to all the spending in the city that works. CTA Red Line, Belmont Stop. Around 4-something in the a.m. Full question: Why are there so many CTA personnel at this station?


I went to an early book club meeting and then read the book I was supposed to have finished for the aforementioned book club at the park by my apartment.


The view from my bench before I decided to lay out on the itchy grass.

Chicago Memory #1

(I wrote this on my Myspace blog this morning and thought that this might be a good new series: my memories, good or bad, of Chicago for your perusal.)

One of my favorite Chicago memories involves a boy I am well in the process of forgetting (that's a long story not suitable for publishing). He takes me out for amazing Indian food and drives me home. We get on Lake Shore, Chicago's freeway that wraps around the ocean-esque Lake Michigan. His car is more like a robot trained to fulfill my every comfort: one button pushed reclines my seat, another heats it up, and yet another opens up the moon roof so I can see the stars and tops of buildings as we glide down Lake Shore. And then the last button puts on Esthero's dreamy song, "Country Living (The World I Know)."

"And I want to live
In the passenger seat of a car
We can drive around all night
We wouldn't have to go to far
Just look at those stars
(Oooooh)
Listen, they could be ours
(Oooooh)"

I love Lake Shore Drive. And as I drove down it yesterday, I thought of that moment where all of my senses were completely sated because of this great city called Chicago. And then I felt a little bit better.




But I still came home and watched "Sex and the City" DVDs until after 3 a.m. to cheer myself up.