[Panic Attack] or My First Medill Post

I start journalism school next week as many of you who read this blog know. I've drained all meaning out of the word "excited" because, although I'm technically supposed to be some sort of wordsmith, I have a very hard time explaining how incredibly excited I am to take my life and passions to the next level. I felt like I was in suspended animation (another phrase I constantly repeated to anyone who asked) waiting for the day I left my job so I could start classes at Northwestern. Now that the day I've been so antsy about is mere days away, I am freaking the eff out.

My train of thought?

Oh-my-god-who-told-me-I-was-a-good-writer-why-would-they-lie-like-that-oh-my-god-I'm-going-to-be-in-debt-for-the-rest-of-my-natural-life-I'm-going-into-journalism-oh-my-god-there's-no-money-in-that-I-have-no-money-now-oh-my-god-everyone-but-me-seems-to-be-prepared-for-this-they've-already-bought-the-software-we-need-I-don't-have-any-money-for-any-of-that-I-barely-have-enough-left-in-my-savings-for-this-month's-rent-what-if-financial-aid-just-barely-covers-school-fees-and-I-have-to-take-out-another-loan-just-to-get-by-oh-my-god-I-think-I-forgot-how-to-write-what-if-I've-been-wrong-for-the-past 14-years-maybe-I'm-not-supposed-to-be-a-journalist-what-if-I-suck-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god [mental flatline]

So, the rest of this weekend will be devoted to me creating the kind of mental preparedness and physical comfort I need to even approach getting over this panic attack. Meaning, I'll be cleaning my apartment (because when I'm freaking the eff out, messes just make me feel more ill at ease), creating To-Do lists (because I love making lists and crossing things off said lists means I'm doing something right), planning and mapping my daily schedule so I won't feel completely lost when I'm on campus, and doing Lamaze-style breathing to keep myself afloat and from throwing myself into a full out fit.

So far I've gotten my class schedule...

2009 Winter Schedule Class Schedule JOUR 400-1-20 LEC (32661) WeThFr 9:00AM - 10:30AM Fisk Hall 311 JOUR 400-1-60 LAB (33945) Tu 6:00PM - 9:00PM Fisk Hall 306 WeThFr 10:30AM - 5:00PM Fisk Hall 306 JOUR 400-2-22 LEC (32666) Tu 1:00PM - 4:00PM Fisk Hall 308 JOUR 400-3-20 LEC (32631) Mo 9:00AM - 12:00PM Fisk Hall 311 JOUR 401-0-20 LEC (32668) Mo 1:00PM - 4:00PM Fisk Hall 311

Oh-my-god-they-weren't-kidding-this-IS-like-journalism-boot-camp-oh-my-god-am-I-ever-going-to-see-my-boyfriend-and-friends-again?

...I've applied for Medill Business Cards, called my parents about Immunization records, and uploaded a bio and picture for Medill Winter 2009 MSJ's Face Book called "Who's Who"...

During her undergraduate years at the University of Chicago, Anthonia discovered her love for journalism as a writer for the Chicago Weekly. Soon after becoming the Weekly's managing editor her third year, Anthonia helped transform the paper from unfocused student life articles to an arts and entertainment publication focusing on the often overlooked South Side of Chicago. After interning for the Urban Flavor and UR Chicago (and currently freelancing for Venus Zine and Honey Mag online), Anthonia hopes to explore other mediums and topics outside of lifestyle and entertainment reporting.

Oh-my-god-I-look-hideous-the-picture-is-too-dark-everyone-else-looks-better-oh-my-god-I-went-over-the-word-limit-my-bio-is-longer-than-everyone's-oh-my-god-I-look-like-I-think-my-experience-is-better-than-theirs-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahem. I really hope this hyperventilating voice inside my head won't be following me around for the next year.